What to Do When Your Coping Skills Stop Working: A Guide for Burnout and Beyond

Part 1: The Disorienting Moment — “Why Isn’t This Working Anymore?”

There’s a moment that happens in almost every healing journey. It creeps in slowly, or it arrives in a flash—but either way, it shakes something loose:

“Why isn’t this working anymore?”

You pull out your go-to tools: the grounding exercises, the walks, the deep breaths, the journaling, the safe playlists. You try gratitude. You try to be quiet. You try talking it out. And instead of feeling better, you feel... nothing. Or worse, you feel numb, discouraged, maybe even ashamed.

I’ve been there—both as a therapist and as a human being trying to keep it together.

When you reach this point, it’s easy to assume you’re doing something wrong. That you’re broken, ungrateful, or failing at healing. But the truth is often far more compassionate than that.

Sometimes, our old tools stop working because we’re no longer in the same place.

You Haven’t Failed. You’ve Changed.

The strategies that once soothed you were designed for a version of you that was surviving something specific. Maybe your anxiety was sharp, your trauma recent, or your burnout acute. And those tools? They met that moment perfectly.

But healing is not static. When you move forward—even by a fraction—your needs shift. Sometimes, you don’t recognize the new terrain you’re standing on until your trusted routines suddenly fall flat.

And sometimes, this shift isn’t growth so much as gravity. A weight you didn’t realize you’d been holding settles in deeper. This can be grief. Or trauma long buried. Or the shock of finally having some peace and realizing you’re still not okay.

Plateaus Are Not Failures.

If you’re reading this and wondering, “Why do I feel worse now that I’m doing better?”—you’re not alone.

Many people reach a plateau in therapy or healing, where the old patterns have been replaced, but the new ones haven’t yet taken root. It’s disorienting. Lonely. Frustrating. But it’s also real work. Invisible work. This in-between space is where the foundation for more profound healing is often laid.

What to Do in the Disorienting Moment:

• Acknowledge it. Say it aloud or write it down: “My tools aren’t working and I don’t know why.” Give the confusion a name.

• Stop forcing. Forcing old strategies to work can deepen shame. Give yourself permission to pause instead.

• Be curious. Ask yourself: What feels different? What hurts in a new way? What might this moment be pointing to?

• Reach out. Whether it's a friend, therapist, or support group, don’t navigate the stuck place alone.

My Disorienting Moment

A few years ago, I hit a stretch where I was doing everything right—eating well, meditating, walking daily—and still felt like I was floating through fog. It took weeks to realize I was experiencing something that had no name yet: anticipatory grief—a kind of slow-motion loss. Once I stopped trying to fix it and let myself feel it, a new type of healing began.

This is the start of the series, not the resolution. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You’re allowed to be tired. You’re allowed not to know what’s next.

The following post will focus on distinguishing between burnout, breakdown, and emotional shutdown and explain why understanding these differences is essential.

Until then, rest. Not because you earned it, but because you’re worthy of it.

Free Reflection Prompt: “When the Tools Stop Working”

Use these questions in a journal, voice note, or quiet conversation with someone you trust—no need to answer all at once. Let them be gentle invitations, not assignments.

1. What tool or practice used to bring me relief, but doesn’t anymore?
(Try to name it without judgment. Just observe.)

2. How have I changed since that tool first began helping me?
(Even small shifts—like a new living situation or changed energy level—matter.)

3. What emotions am I avoiding or afraid will come up if I stop trying to “fix” this feeling?
(Sadness? Rage? Shame? Numbness? Name them, if you can.)

4. If my inner self could speak freely right now, what might it be trying to say?
(Try stream-of-consciousness writing or draw a symbol.)

5. What would it mean to rest—truly rest—without trying to “get better” first?

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