Learning to Trust Your Body Again
The Soft Rebuild: Life Beyond Survival (Part 5)
For a long time, I treated my body like a liability.
It was the thing that got hurt. The thing that betrayed me with anxiety, illness, fatigue. It was where trauma lived—and I didn’t want to live there.
So I left. Mentally, emotionally. I dissociated. I coped from the neck up. And in a world that rewards productivity over presence, no one even noticed.
But disconnection isn’t the same as peace. It’s just another form of survival.
Why We Learn to Abandon the Body
When you've experienced trauma, chronic illness, or persistent stress, the body becomes a battlefield. You may learn to distrust your hunger, your need for rest, your reactions, even your senses.
This is especially true in complex trauma. According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, “trauma is stored in the body, not just the mind.” (van der Kolk, 2014)
And when your body stores pain, you may avoid it.
You may even resent it.
But healing isn’t about forcing yourself to love your body. It starts with learning to listen to it—and to believe it.
Rebuilding the Relationship: From Enemy to Ally
Like any fractured relationship, rebuilding trust with your body takes time. You don’t need to jump straight to yoga, ecstatic dance, or mirror affirmations.
You just need to begin.
Here are practices that have helped me—and others—take the first steps:
Ask, “What do you need?”
Start with neutral curiosity. Sit or lie down. Place a hand on your chest or belly. Ask your body: What do you need today? Maybe it’s water. Or a nap. Or space. Just ask. Then pause.
This isn’t about fixing—it’s about listening.
Notice Sensations Without Judgment
Rather than labeling sensations as “good” or “bad,” try naming them as they are: tightness, heat, buzzing, hollow. This builds awareness without shame. Somatic therapist Peter Levine calls this titration—allowing the body to feel a little at a time (Levine, 2010).
Track Moments of Safety
Where do you feel least guarded? With a blanket? In the shower? Petting your dog? That’s body trust. Start there. That’s your anchor.
Honor What the Body Did to Survive
You might be angry at your body—for getting sick, for freezing, for being anxious. But every reaction was an attempt at protection. What if your body isn’t broken, but brilliant in its adaptation?
This reframe changed everything for me. My panic attacks weren’t betrayals. They were signals: something’s wrong. you’re not safe. That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.
A Personal Note
I’m still relearning how to live in my body.
Some days I feel fully rooted—like my breath goes all the way down. Other days, I still float above myself, defaulting to old patterns of disconnection. But even then, I try to notice. I place a hand on my chest and say, You’re doing the best you can. I’m here now.
That tiny gesture—hand to chest, breath to belly—isn’t about pretending everything’s okay. It’s about letting my body know: I won’t abandon you again.
Closing Invitation
If you’ve learned to survive by disconnecting from your body, please know: you are not weak, and you are not alone.
Your body deserves your tenderness, not your punishment. And even if you don’t trust it yet, you can begin again.
Not because you have to love every inch.
But because someday, you might want to come home.
Sources:
van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin.
Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness. North Atlantic Books.