Learning to Trust Yourself Again

Because you were never broken—just separated from your knowing.

We all come into this world with an instinct for truth. We know when we’re hungry, scared, or in need of a hug, a break, or space to cry.

But somewhere along the line—especially if we grew up in environments that ignored, dismissed, or punished our inner voice—we start to doubt that voice. We stop trusting what we feel. We ask everyone else for answers we already have.

And we lose touch with our own inner compass.

But here’s what I want you to hear:
Self-trust isn’t something you have to earn—it’s something you remember.

It lives in you. Under the noise. Beneath the layers of shame and self-doubt. It’s that quiet yes. That still, solid no. That gut feeling. That flash of clarity before your brain talks you out of it.

This is your wisdom.
This is your knowing.
And it’s time to come home to it.

Why We Lose Self-Trust

When your boundaries were crossed, gaslit or manipulated, and feelings were met with “you’re too sensitive” or “stop being dramatic”—you learned that what you felt inside didn’t matter. Or worse, that it was wrong.

In trauma therapy, we call this self-alienation. You begin to outsource your intuition to survive. You look to others to tell you who you are, what’s real, and what’s “okay” (Herman, 1997)

But survival isn’t the same as wholeness.

And at some point, your body, heart, and souling Trust with Yourself

Start Where You Are (Not Where You “Should” Be)

There’s no gold star for healing faster. You’re not behind. You’re not failing. You’re remembering. That’s sacred work.

Start small:

• What do I need right now?

• What do I feel in my body when I say yes? When I say no?

• What have I been ignoring because I was afraid?

Even asking these questions builds trust. It says, “Your voice matters again.”

Honor the Decisions That Kept You Safe

Maybe you stayed silent. Maybe you said yes when you meant no. Maybe you shrank yourself to be loved. That wasn’t weakness. That was wisdom under pressure.

Self-trust isn’t just about celebrating the brave decisions. It’s about honoring the ones that helped you survive—even if they don’t serve you now.

That’s not failure. That’s adaptation. And your body deserves gratitude for getting you here.

Make Promises to Yourself—and Keep Them

Even little ones:

• “I will rest when I’m tired.”

• “I won’t explain my no.”

• “I’ll speak up, even if my voice shakes.”

Following through tells your inner child: “I’m safe with me now.”

Every kept promise is a stitch in the fabric of trust.

Forgive the Doubts When They Come

You will second-guess yourself. That’s part of this. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you're healing a nervous system that was trained to doubt.

Talk to yourself like you would a friend: “It’s okay. You’re learning. You’re allowed to need time.”

Grace is part of trust, too.

A Personal Note

There are still days when I freeze—unsure of what I want, unsure if my decision is “right.” The old voice screams, “What if you mess this up?”
But these days, there’s another voice. Stronger now. Quieter, but solid.

It says: “Even if you do, you’ll figure it out.”

That’s what trust is. Not perfect. Not certainty. But knowing I won’t abandon myself—even if I stumble.

I used to think strength meant having all the answers. Now I know it means having my own back.

And I hope you know that you can rebuild that trust, too.
You’re not too late.
You’re not too far gone.
You’ve just been separated from your knowing.

And now, you’re on your way home.

Sources:

• Herman, J. (1997). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror.

• Brown, B. (2018). Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

• van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.