Inviting Play Back Into Your Life
The Soft Rebuild: Life Beyond Survival (Part 6 – Final)
When I was deep in survival mode, I forgot how to play.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to—it’s that I didn’t know how. My days were structured, guarded, and practical. Spontaneity felt unsafe. Joy felt suspicious. Even rest had to be productive.
And when someone suggested I “have fun,” I’d get this tight feeling in my chest. Because I didn’t remember what fun even looked like… for me.
Why Play Feels Foreign After Trauma
If your life has demanded constant vigilance—through trauma, poverty, caretaking, or burnout—play may have been a luxury you couldn't afford.
In trauma recovery, Dr. Bruce Perry notes that play is a key part of nervous system regulation, but one of the first things to disappear when stress becomes chronic (Perry & Szalavitz, 2021).
Without safety, play stops. Without play, we forget how to experience unstructured aliveness.
And yet, play is exactly what we need to reclaim ourselves.
What Is Play, Really?
Play isn’t just games or laughter. It’s any activity that brings curiosity, flow, or creative energy without the demand for productivity.
This can include:
Making up songs while doing dishes
Drawing in the margins of a notebook
Trying something new just to see how it feels
Role-playing with a child
Rearranging your room
Dancing without rhythm or plan
Play reminds the brain and body that the world isn't only about threat, output, or control. It teaches us that presence is enough.
How to Reintroduce Play (Without Forcing It)
Redefine What Counts as Play
If you don’t like games, you’re not broken. Play doesn’t have to be loud or silly. It can be quiet, tender, weird, or even solo. Ask yourself: What would I do if I didn’t need to do it perfectly?
That’s where play begins.
Notice When You Feel Light
What moments make you exhale? When do your shoulders drop? That’s your yes. Track it. Maybe it’s singing in the car, talking in funny voices, or building a fort with your kid. These moments matter.
Let Go of “Doing It Right”
There is no right way to be playful. There is only showing up. If you find yourself performing or “trying to have fun,” pause. Ask: What am I curious about right now? Follow that.
Honor the Resistance
If play feels uncomfortable, don’t shame yourself. For many trauma survivors, play was not safe or was taken away too soon. You might feel grief, sadness, or guilt. That’s not regression. That’s healing.
A Personal Note
The first time I felt truly playful again, it came as a surprise.
I was making dinner and started narrating my actions in a dramatic British accent. My partner burst out laughing. And instead of freezing or brushing it off, I kept going. I let myself be ridiculous. My whole body lit up.
That night, I realized: this was me. Not the guarded, productive version. But the real me. The one who once told stories into a tape recorder as a kid. The one who got lost in comic books and built tree forts out of cardboard.
He was still there. Just waiting for the invitation.
Closing Thought
Play is not the opposite of healing—it’s a vital part of it. It’s what trauma steals, and what recovery slowly returns.
You don’t need permission to be playful. But if it helps, here it is:
You’re allowed to be joyful again. Silly again. Unscripted again.
You’re allowed to try, mess up, and try again—without stakes. Without shame.
Because your healing deserves levity. And your joy deserves room to breathe.
Sources:
Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz, M. (2021). What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. Flatiron Books.
Brown, S. (2009). Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul. Avery.
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